Trophies

Well done. You are a legend! Level 8! If you remember back far enough, there was a time when you were hoping to become a peer among the other Beasts. As time went on, they began to see you as what you were—someone who deserved to be heard. They began posting questions from all over the world hoping to catch the pearls of wisdom you were tossing out. Like bachelors at a wedding hoping to catch the garter. And you know what, those pearls really WERE like a garter for them, helping them find love and happiness. Yes, most of them thought you were a madman, but they listened nonetheless. And they were rewarded for it. So much so that they crafted legends out of your ravings. You should have listened to reason. You should have gone back. It's too late now. There's only one way out of this insanity: forward.

Congratulations for achieving what most thought was impossible—level 7. Have you heard the tale of the small tribe, cut off from civilization, who saw a strange ship sail in? Sailors got off the ship and taught them the ways of the modern world. The sailors had technology that was SO advanced that the tribe saw it as magic. When the sailors left, their legend remained. They became gods in the eyes of the tribesmen. Beasts call you a wizard. They should. What you're doing defies explanation. But there MUST be an explanation, right? Maybe. If you're like me, you fear that there's truth in that wizardly description. If you're like me, you see strange colours mixing in with the familiar ones, hinting at other dimensions overlapping with ours. Your dreams show you creatures that surely can't exist. And you fear that more knowledge will surely bring insanity. Reason urges you to go backwards. Surely being an exotic Beast was enough. Why not go back?

Level 6. Well done, brother. Do you remember the days when you entered into online debates as an equal, judged merely on the merits of your words—nothing more, nothing less? Oh, how times have changed. Now as you approach with open palms, others see the calluses nestled there. They see that while you may have been a humble Beast once, you have weathered more than they. You've seen fads come and go. You've seen men build 5, 10, and even 20 pounds of muscle. Maybe you've built more. You've seen strong men go on vacation and lose their way. Maybe you did too. You've seen Jetred slowly build his pyramid out of many broken hearts. Maybe you helped. You've seen closets emptied to make room for larger clothes, and even those larger clothes have grown too small. Even the most renowned Beasts speak of you with reference. But even they don't realize that strange things are happening. Things aren't as they were. You see things before they happen, you lift things you shouldn't be able to lift, and you've been seeing this strange colour you've never seen before.

Welcome to level 4! You were once a common beast, happy to lie by the hearth, happy to be fed, but never in control of your life. Now you are your own Beast, for better and worse. Now it's time to prove your worth!

Welcome to level 5! You are not just a beast, but one that is renowned throughout the land. As you climbed through the ranks, you spoke knowledgeably of many things, and in many things you were wise. Still, when you spoke of muscle, you had to borrow the reputation of bigger beasts—the Arnolds, the Zanes, the Zyzzes, the SteveMs, the GregEs. In order for your words to be heavy enough, you had to use the names of other men as a paperweight. But you are a beast now. You are carving your thoughts into slabs of rock, unaware that paper has even been invented, let alone a keyboard. But as time passes, this rock you write upon will be weathered. Will your opinions be able to stand the test of time? A Beast could be happy here forever. Renowned, respected, cherished. I've heard that some Beasts hunger for level 6, but is that ambition a blessing or a vice?

Welcome, brother! Introduce yourself. Tell us about yourself and your goals. Let us help you accomplish them. After all, you are a man abandoning his life of bony comfort in search of a life of Beastly splendor—in search of a life where heavy furniture feels like heavenly feathers in your barbell-hardened hands. As you embark upon this journey, it may seem overwhelming, exciting, mysterious. It is all of that and more! But there will come a day when your excitement loses it's virile glow, replaced instead with the dark shadows of unrelenting fullness. Will you let that fullness fill you? Or will you come back from this mysterious adventure with the strength to help the men who will follow in YOUR footsteps? Only time will tell.

Welcome to level 2! You've earned 10 XP so far, and it looks like you're quickly becoming popular around here. Advancing through these forum ranks is not quick, but you are SO close behind the beasts that you must surely see their hindmost parts ahead. Fret not, soon you will be running with them shoulder to shoulder. Until then, keep encouraging others, keep being inquisitive and never, ever shy away from a bathroom selfie. Soon others will be staring at YOUR hindmost parts. I won't interrupt you too much. You're clearly on the right path already. The next level is just a little further away. At 25 XP, we'll speak again.

Congratulations for making it to 25 XP. I can see from the look of your biceps that it has taken more than a little typing to get you here. (It may be time for a carbohydrate rich snack to replenish their glycogen stores.) The next level lies ahead. 75 XP. It's a little harder to get, and I recommend posting some videos of your lifts in the challenges section of the community to help yourself along. Good luck!

Level 9. Well done, my dear friend. You are the underwater river flowing underneath the Beastly community, affecting its core energy in ways that cannot be seen. I bet you thought you couldn't climb higher. You have, though. Sailors sing songs made out of your lunacies, carrying them to faraway lands. Merchants peddle your wisdom in exchange for exotic spices. You've transformed men so dramatically that they've accused you of being a steroid—twice. Wouldn't they like that—to bottle you up like some synthetic compound. The truth is that you may not even HAVE a body. Maybe you're just whispers, songs, and tall tales. Maybe you're just the deep voice of hope that mean hear after a scoop of Tier One. Maybe you're the thud of the weights hitting the floor after a perfect deadlift. Does a whisper dream of greater grandeur?

Level 10. DavidG was the only one to foresee your arrival here today. But where have you arrived? Truth be told, it defies explanation. Do you remember the tale of the tribesmen? How they mistook advanced technology for magic? How they thought we were wizards? Well, I didn't tell you the whole truth. The whole truth is that they shared some wisdom with us too. They spoke your name. We laughed: it couldn't be true. They couldn't possibly have heard of you. But they knew everything about you. They told us that you were their father. That you always had been. We shrugged it off. We returned home. But then we began seeing colours that couldn't exist in our dreams. Strange shapes occupying too many dimensions. Is that you, father?

Welcome to the community! Along with your first post, you've earned your first experience point (XP). The hero's journey is one of many stages. The Beastly journey is no different. As you progress further, you'll not only make gains in real life, but also in this community. You'll earn XP, titles, awards, and fame. You'll earn XP for the messages you post, how many likes you receive on those posts, how much weight you gain, how much weight you lift, how visually impressive you become, and how much you help your fellow beast. The more XP you earn, the more levels you'll gain, and the more you'll unlock. So tell us of your struggles and successes, explore the challenges section of the community, and post videos of your feats in the gym, however modest (or immodest) they may seem. An hour from now, with bloodshot eyes, I bet you could be a level or two beastlier. Level 2 is only 9 XP away!

Somebody out there reacted positively to one of your messages. Keep posting like that for more!

Brotherhood (level 1): This member, your brother, has made in 150 posts in the community. Like the loyal hound, he is an essential part of any hunt.

Challenger (level 1): This member is proficiently powerful, his strength proven in the challenges section of the community. But even the boa dreams of growing stronger still.

Behemoth (level 1): This member has gained 20 pounds, his progress noted on his profile page. The whale is said to be the largest beast, dwarfed only by larger whales.

Wooer (level 1): This exceptionally proportionate member has claimed five aesthetics trophies. As modest as he may be, he can't help but find himself surrounded by beauty.

Beast (level 1): This member has completed the main Bony to Beastly program, phase by phase, diligently tracking his progress along the way.

Brotherhood (level 2): This member, your loyal brother, has made in 500 posts in the community. He is known by all.

Challenger (level 2): This member is an accomplished lifter, his power proven in the challenges section of the community. But even the mighty anaconda dreams of ascension.

Behemoth (level 2): This member has gained 35 pounds, his progress noted on his profile page. The blue whale is the king of whales, but what lies deeper?

Wooer (level 2): This ruggedly chiseled member has claimed twelve aesthetics trophies. Now, even the sunset pales next to him.

Beast (level 2): This member has completed 10 advanced phases, faithfully tracking his progress throughout.

Brotherhood (level 3): This member, your famed brother, has made 5,000 posts in the community. He leads the pack.

Challenger (level 3): This member is a legendary lifter, his prowess proven in the challenges section of the community. The giant basilisk knows no equal.

Behemoth (level 3): This member has gained 50 pounds, his progress noted on his profile page. Adventurers whisper of him, saying that even whales fear the depths he lies in.

Wooer (level 3): After claiming fourteen aesthetics trophies, this member has become more than just himself. He now belongs to another, just as another belongs to him.

Beast (level 3): This member, the lord of all Beasts, has completed 30 advanced phases.

You've gotten 5 likes on your messages.

5 messages posted and 5 more XP earned. Well done, my friend. You're well on your way.

Your messages have been liked 15 times. Nice. +5 XP. Still much growing to do, and you're likely still checking your back on the daily for budding hairs… but hey, things are good! You are the young (still fairly hairless) Beast who's fast becoming the centre of attention around here.

You've posted 15 messages, and you're a real part of this community now. Keep this up and you'll soon earn your "Brotherhood (1)" badge.

From one Beastly brother to another, happy birthday!

30 messages posted now. You must like it here! Good, good. Because we like having you around. You've earned yourself another 6 XP.

Content you have posted has attracted a positive reaction score of 100.

You've made 50 posts and earned yourself another 7 XP. You are officially one third of your way to the first Brotherhood badge.

What you've posted has now gotten 50 likes, earning you another 7 XP. Not only are you becoming more and more active, but also more and more popular. Excellent work.

You've posted 75 times, and even DavidG has surely noticed by now that you may one day become his stiff competition. You've earned another 8 XP.

75 likes!? Thanks for contributing such great stuff to the community. You've earned yourself 8 more XP.

You deadlifted 135 pounds (60 kg)! A man's deadlift, from the floor and with full-sized, full-weight plates. You even have video proof of it. +5 XP.

You squatted at least 135 lbs / 60 kilos. Back, front—we don't care. You've squatted real weight through a full range of motion. +5 XP.

You did a chest-to-bar chin-up from a dead hang with at least 25lbs/10kg added. If you were an orangutan—a creature who presumably must carry his little ones through the trees—then you could now have a medium sized little one and not worry too much about him/her plummeting to his/her death! I know this scenario may seem far fetched, but I still think this is a good thing. Here's 10 more XP.

You've completed a full chin-up from a dead hang.

You've posted 100 messages now. You arrived on the scene as a likeable but mysterious dude, probably sporting nothing more than your underwear. MAYBE a pair of shorts. Anyway, you've grown a lot since then. I know you may still be posting in your underwear, but you are no longer the young bones you once were. People listen to what you say. And you know what, they should. Even if you still secretly worry about your pelvic tilt.

Now you aren't just aging in years, you're aging in muscles ;)

100 likes! This is good, very good. Members like you. Maybe they even like you so much that they invite you to have dinner with them in their dreams, so that you may offer sage bits of wisdom for them to munch upon. +10 XP.

You've added a recipe to the community, earning yourself 10 more XP. The recipe doesn't need to be invented by you, but it does need to have a photograph that you took of it after cooking it. We'll give you even more XP if you post another recipe and someone responds by making the recipe (with photographic evidence).

A Beastly chest is 1.4 times the size of the waist. After all, without a broad back and powerful pecs, a V-taper quickly becomes a T-taper.

You've gained 5lbs/2kg. Congratulations!

You hide your face in the shadows, waiting for the moment to step into the light. Is today not that day? Does the sun shine too brightly or not brightly enough? Or is today the day that you upload a profile picture?

Even your name reveals your destiny.

You may remember a day when you used to struggle to get a word in edgewise, but now a hush falls over the crowd when you clear your throat. If I were you, I would revel in it, filling your stories with wonder and suspense.

Your introduction is posted, and your journey has begun!

Congratulations! Now we must just keep this momentum going :)

Congratulations for completing another phase. Halfway there—keep it up!

Congratulations for completing the third phase. One more to go! Finish strong!

You didn't let victory quell your desire for massive success. You pushed on into unknown lands doing strange rep schemes and brutal, never ending series of squats. Yet you came out on the other side stronger for it. Well done! What's next?

Excellent work. Given how many new things there are to learn in Phase 0, it's by far the hardest phase. Now the learning curve should even out, and all you need to do is start turning the workouts, diet and rest routine into solid, sustainable habits—an enjoyable and rewarding part of your lifestyle that you maintain without needing to rely on the fickle fuels of motivation and willpower.

You've posted 150 messages in the community!

You've received 150 likes!

You lifted at least 2 plates. Congratulations! Here's 10 XP. How does it feel? Is it one of those feelings where you want to high five everyone as you dance down the street? Don't do it! You have rough, gnarled hands now. These are not the hands you hit strangers with, even with the best of intentions.

You did at least one chin-up with 50 pounds of added weight. If you have a six year old, I bet he's asking: "Hey dad, why does your bicep look like a potato while mine looks more like a walnut?" Knowing you, you'd respond with something like: "Hold on kid, I got a couple reps left!"

You've benched 135 pounds with solid technique. This is a milestone in any man's life: achieving a respectable barbell bench press. +10 XP.

You've stepped up to the plate and posted a video in the challenges section, eh? Well done. Be safe, lift hard, get some epsom salt, and bathe like a king who has worked like peasant! +15 XP.

You've made 250 posts. You have surely inspired many bonies with your selfies, helped many beasts gain many pounds, and talked many suffering souls out of skipping dessert. After all, they are not fashion models, they are Beasts! Desserts are important. You know that. Now they do too. Anyway, I bet the pounds you have helped add to this world would make a scale weep about its inability to bare that load. And such is the depth of your depraved Beastliness that those tears probably bring you joy!

You've been with us for two years now! Thank you so much for the support, and for being a part of this community.

250 likes! Now this is impressive. Not just because I say so, but because HUNDREDS of other people say so. Now THIS is an accomplishment. Print this out, hold that paper in your hand, and take a picture of this moment. Then post that picture in the community. After all, this grand an honour may not happen again. We must immortalize it. But do right by yourself. Don't let this be your peak! Keep pushing forward! Let this inspire you to post more, to get more likes, to become more popular still!

You've added two recipes to the community, and a grateful brother has assisted you by cooking and photographing one of your meals. Fantastic!

You've got visible abs after gaining at least 10 pounds. I would say that you are a Beast chiseled out of stone, except that stone does not grow, and you have.

Your shoulder circumference is 1.618 times the sizes of your waist. This peculiar number is phi, the golden ratio, the divine proportion. Let me explain a little more. The strength of a beast is measured by the ampleness of his upper body. The conditioning of a beast is measured by the humbleness of his waistline. There is nothing more attractive to the fairer sex than a beast who has both enough ampleness and enough humbleness in the right places.

Hips at least 1.25 times the size of the waist. Woman can tell how athletic a man is by the shape of his glutes. The shapelier they are, the more desirable he is. You don’t need to hear that here, though, as plenty of women have surely already commented on your ample assets.

Thighs at least 0.75 times the size of the waist. While they need not be enormous, you do need legs, and strong ones at that. After all, what woman would choose a giraffe over a jaguar?

Forearms at least 0.8 times the size of your biceps. As you grab your beer and clank it against your gal’s, it helps to present her with some pleasantly hairy, perhaps heavily tattooed, but surely hearty forearms. When you roll up your sleeves at your wedding after a long night of looking like a gentleman, you’ve got to show everyone that you’re a true Beast, and fortunately your forearms are up to that task. When you pick up something impossibly heavy, a regular lifter will be humbled by his failing grip. You are not a regular lifter; you are the man who marches around with dumbbells for fun.

14" upper arms. Long ago, the most ruggedly impressive man was born. He was given every blessing: strength, wit, kindness, patience and passion. His only shortcoming was his shortness. As he walked by other men, he would compare himself to them, finding himself the victor in every arena except for height. He pleaded with the great ones he saw in his dreams: “Make me taller!” And so they did. But they did it without understanding the true meaning of the prayer. Instead of waking up bigger, he awoke to find that his legs, torso, arms and neck were stretched longer. This is how the first ectomorph was created. The most ruggedly impressive man became more impressive still. Yes, even his thinness could not diminish him. However, ever since then, his descendants have had to work extra hard on their arms in order to balance out their thinness, as you have.

14"/36cm or greater calves. Every calf dreams of becoming a bull, as yours have. Maybe one day they will sire their own family of calves, and those calves will go on to become bulls, and you will get to claim this trophy anew.

A man who spends his day sitting, thinking, will often find that his body sags into a state of disrepair—a condition that afflicts many good men. A great man understands that his entire body is the vessel of his mind, and he straightens himself out. You, my brother, are a great man.

As you stare at your glorious bicep vein, imagining the fearsome power that runs through it, you have an epiphany about the etymology of the word "vain." It must have been a word that jealous peasants invented to describe men who were obsessed with their glorious power vein. As you continue to stare at your glorious power vein, filled with wonder, you wonder how many jealous peasants you could curl with one arm. (Answer: Five, at least. Six, with some pre-workout caffeine.)

Your content has been positively reacted to 250 times.

500 posts! Well done, sir. Yes, you are now a sir. Men with as much to say as you deserve to be treated with respect. I suppose it's possible that I am wrong—that you were spewing out hot air in order to raise your hot air balloon up high enough to enjoy the beautiful vista of this community from afar… but it is beyond my humble programming to measure the merit of your words. So kneel down for the last time as a man, then rise up for the first time as a Beastly knight.

Do a 10-rep set of deadlifts with at least 225lbs/100kg from the floor without straps.

Do a 10-rep set of front or back squats with at least 185lbs/84kg to below parallel depth.

Plank for 2 minutes straight without letting your core cave in. Shaking is not only allowed, but encouraged!

Perform 10 chest-to-bar chin-ups from a dead hang with at least 25lbs/10kg.

Perform a 10-rep set of bench press from chest to lockout with at least 135lbs/60kg.

You have a tendency for attracting crowds. You bring glee wherever you roam, and your reputation travels just a little bit faster than you do.

You've posted a video showing that you can deadlift 315lbs/140kg with solid technique. This is a true ectomorph's deadlift, and ectomorphs have the best deadlifts. Congratulations, and welcome to the Beastly Deadlift Club!

Squat 225lbs/100kg with your thigh bones going down to parallel. A heartily manly squat, worthy of much praise.

Carry 75lbs/34kg dumbbells for 50 steps or further. I would shake your hand to congratulate you, but even if I had a hand, I would be too worried that you would crush it. I will gladly give you this XP, though, and a sincere congratulations for weights well carried.

Perform a chest-to-bar chin-up from a dead hang with at least 75lbs/34kg.

1,000 messages. Now it's becoming evident that you aren't squatting in someone else's home, this home is now yours. Of course you don't pay rent. Other people should pay YOU rent. So we must promote you to the rank of Baron. Welcome to beastly lordship, my lord! This land is now yours. Do with it as you will.

1,000 likes! When a bottle washes ashore, men race to the beach with the hopes that your words are to be found inside. They are rarely disappointed, as most of the wisdom in the world can be traced back to something you've said.

Create a post that earns 10+ likes.

Add a third recipe to the community. The recipe doesn't need to be invented by you, but it does need to have a photograph that you took of it after cooking it. … And THREE other people must cook and photograph the recipe.

Welcome back, my good friend! We couldn't be happier that you decided to stick around. At this point, things really wouldn't be the same without you.

You've been with us for 4 years now! Thank you so, so much. Here's to many more!

5 years! Amazing.

You've gained 10lbs/4.5kg, and by now your gains should be showing well. Not in a dramatic sense yet, but noticeable if you know where to look. You are well on your way, and exactly halfway to getting a very impressive visual change. At this point, you’ve unlocked all of the aesthetics challenges, opening up a whole new way to earn XP. Better still, you can start assessing your proportions, not only earning some XP for your accomplishments so far, but also correcting your course if some areas are lagging behind.

You journeyed into a land of hardship and wonder, returning stronger for it. You used that strength to help another do the same, and they grew stronger for it too.

Do you not grow weary? No, I didn't think so. And thanks to you, neither did they.

Many men can press a barbell overhead. That’s good, yes. But when you’re trying to woo that special someone, you may not have a barbell handy. If you can hoist a damsel overhead without putting her in distress, you’ve earned our congratulations, and +25 XP.

Is there anything manlier than being able to curl a 50lbs/22kg dumbbell? Perhaps, but I know not what it is. While this may not do much to woo the fairer sex, it will surely impress many a fellow man.

Some guys like guns, some don’t. But when it comes to posting on social media, a pistol squat will often get you even more likes than a pistol.

The muscle-up is a true test of upper body strength. It requires the power to not only complete a chin-up, but also to propel yourself higher still, into a dip position. Then you must execute a dip, which, quite frankly, is a little anti-climactic given how easy dips are compared to what you’ve just accomplished. Anyway, the important thing is that you’ve demonstrated that you’ve got the strength of a gorilla.

Most people can’t perform a single proper chin-up. Take an arm out of the equation and the task becomes so uncommon that most people haven’t even SEEN someone perform a proper 1-armed chin-up. You are a legend.

With a skill like this, you can demonstrate your prowess to anyone at any time in any situation, making this an essential part of any wooer's skill-set.

Cut at least 20 pounds.

Hold a straight, "dragon flag" position for 10 seconds.

The playfulness of this inverted Beast inspires those around him that life is full of special moments to catch.

Hold a bent-armed flagpole position for 10 seconds.

Carry at least 100lbs/44kg in each hand for at least 50 steps.

A kind man will only deadlift 315lbs a few times before setting the barbell down to rest. It takes a truly brutal Beast to complete a full 5-rep set of heavy deadlifts and then, without pause, do the entire ordeal again. Completing 10 reps in a row goes to show that you are no longer human. The last trace of humanity to be found inside you surely died several reps ago, and +27 XP is the only condolence I can give you.

If a man does what a man does, he will surely find himself needing to complete one heavy press. For example, jacking up a car without reading the instructions and then shimmying underneath, soon finding himself pinned. But why would a man possibly need to press a heavy weight TEN times?! With at least 225lbs/100kg. The answer is simple: he wouldn’t. Therefore, you must no longer be a mere man. You are far more than that now, but perhaps if I award you this +27 XP, you will at least remember mercy.

Doing 10 chin-ups with a 50-pound weight is a near-impossible task. I actually cannot even believe you did this. But you have shown me the proof, and so I’m left with no choice but to believe that you have accomplished this mythical feat.

A surefire way to tell if a man has become inflicted with Beasthood is to see if he possesses a relentless spirit. A man will relent after a few reps under a heavy bar. A Beast will continue on, as you have, completing 10 reps with 225 pounds. I’m afraid I have no cure for you, just +27 XP.

Many men have tried to do the 5-minute plank. They started strong, then wavered, then shook, and then we observers fled to the cover of doorways because we feared an earthquake. It was all for nothing. As they collapsed onto the floor, the weeping from their eyes was nothing compared to the weeping of their pores. You, my friend, have made sissies out of all of them.

If there's no better test of strength than pressing a weight overhead while standing, and then there's no greater achievement than this one. You are a true Beast with a barbell. Well done.

As you arrive, you find that a crowd has gathered to welcome you. A hush falls over them when they see the colours of your cloak, recognizing you. You're known for your stories, however great or tragic, but even you are not sure that this is a story that should be told. It's a good one, yes, but not in the good way.

Bench 225lbs/100kg with good form, like a college football player prepping for the NFL combine.

When you can show us that you can squat 315 pounds with good form, not only will get this trophy, you will also get glutes made out of pure, hard steel. Oh wait, by this point you already have those. We'll have to think of something else…

A 405lbs/l80kg deadlift! This is a lift you can take to the grave, but with a lift like this I'm sure the grave will never find you!

Press 135 pounds / 60 kilos overhead using standard barbell overhead press technique. This is a true test of full-body strength, as every muscle from the toes to the finger tips must be strong.

15" upper arms. For the man who is drawn to excess, there is nothing more enticingly superfluous than building arms that are just a little too big, just a little too strong, just a little too Beastly. Cannons are perfect for that.

Perform a chest-to-bar chin-up from a dead hang with at least 100lbs/44kg.

Perform a handstand push-up, touching the top of your head to the ground and then fully extending your arms.

2,000 posts! Once you were a post knight, worthy of respect. Then, as a post baron, you ruled over many knights. You had THEIR respect. Now it is time to rise up through the ranks again. You are a prince. Even the barons bow to you. +50 XP.

2,000 likes received! People collect your words like pearls, stringing them together into necklaces. These pearls aren't always in the right order, and so the message isn't always clear. Still, at least to the wearer, these mystic sayings are their gospel.

Phase 4 completed. Program finished. Victory achieved! Congratulations on a journey well finished. While every finish line is merely a new starting line, you must also revel in your accomplishment. Now is a time to celebrate! When your celebration is completed, let's figure out what lies ahead for you.

This member has the strongest press in the community.

This member has the Beastliest deadlift in the community.

This member can carry the most weight in the community for 50 steps.

Deadlift 495lbs/225kg from the floor without wrist straps.

Squat 405lbs/180kg to parallel or below.

Bench press at least 315lbs/140kg from your chest to lockout.

20lbs/9kg gained! You came in resembling a bard, but now I'd swear that you were a warrior. Welcome to Beastlihood, my brother! We couldn't be happier for you in this moment of epic accomplishment. +75 XP. You may stop here, or you may continue on to accomplish even greater things. Regardless, you have won!

5,000 likes received! Some people think of you as a spirit, others a demon, others a god. Perhaps not the god that they worship, and perhaps not a benevolent one, but a god nonetheless. While your intentions are not known, your deeds certainly are, and they are appreciated. You go by many different names in many different cultures, but in all of them, prudent people line their houses with statues of you to bring fortune.

5,000 messages posted. You know how it goes. The peasant bows to the knight, the knight to the baron, the baron to the prince, and the prince to his all-mighty father—the king. Well the king is no more, and a new king must rise. +75 XP.

30lbs/13kg gained! You have accomplished the unaccomplishable! I bet there was a time when you doubted yourself, and with good reason—many seasoned bodybuilders will never gain as much muscle as you have, let alone in such a short period of time. But you have done it. Now, go and rest like DoctorB would, come back refreshed, and let's talk about what impossible journey is next! +100 XP.

40lbs/18kg gained! You've added the weight of a full grown coyote to your body. But let us not speak of those earthly accomplishments. We must not forget: even the greatest giant of the land is dwarfed by you: the lord of the deep.

50lbs/22kg gained! You are the the reason whales evolved to stay near the surface; you are the reason that men are crushed if they venture too deep; you are the fear of the deep; you are the guardian of all lost treasure; you are the giant that lies beneath.

10,000 posts. Bound by one kingdom? Never. You are a man of many lands, of many worlds, of far too much power to toil away on simple soil. Your words are like the proverbial wings of a butterfly, spinning themselves into tornados as they ravage faraway lands. And so you wonder: should you stay quite? The answer, of course, is no, as the hardships of those faraway lands will craft the Beasts of tomorrow.

10,000 likes received! Countless creatures worship countless deities, not knowing that those deities are merely your dreams taking shape, spreading through the cosmos, creating worlds of their own. But when you awake, those dreams blink out existence, the canvas becomes blank again, and time begins anew.

15,000 posts. You are the emperor of emperors. A bad decision could end the world, but you are wise, and even your thoughts are holy. Any decision you have, by definition, must be perfect no matter how much destruction it may bring. And so the emperors gathered together, perhaps out of jealousy or perhaps out of concern, and tried to overthrow you. You could not be killed, but you could be banished. You could not be silenced, but you could be muffled. They hid you underneath the ocean, locked inside an impregnable prison of your own making. People know of you—how could they not? But now even memories of you have faded, your history has turned into legend, and even your name has been forgotten. Everyone feels your presence inside of them, but they know not what it is. They call it their "soul."

15,000 likes received! You are a cell. There is no other word for it. You do not think, you do not know. You just are. But you are made out of atoms, and each of those atoms houses gods who create universes. The creatures in those universes, no matter how great, will never know of you, but they are OF you.

20,000 likes! You are a humble beast, surrounded by your peers. But even the humblest of beasts houses wonders far beyond what even the greatest god can imagine. You are made out of 100 trillion cells, give or take a few trillion. Those cells are made out of 100 trillion atoms. Every single one of those atoms houses gods who create universes. The creatures in those universes, no matter how great, will never know of you, but they are OF you. With every footstep you take, you carry them further than they could possibly understand.

20,000 posts! You are a humble beast, surrounded by your peers. But even the humblest of beasts houses wonders far beyond what even the greatest god can imagine. You are made out of 100 trillion cells, give or take a few trillion. Those cells are made out of 100 trillion atoms. Every single one of those atoms houses gods who create universes. The creatures in those universes, no matter how great, will never know of you, but they are OF you. With every footstep you take, you carry them further than they could possibly understand.