One summer I decided I was going to bulk up. This was back when I was 130 pounds and sick and tired of being 130 pounds. I was working at an ad agency as a junior designer on the illustration team. I was new there, and also newly determined to gain 20 pounds. Drinking an entire bag of milk (1.3 litres) each day was part of my plan to do that.
Err … okay that’s not entirely accurate – I didn’t quite drink the entire bag each day. A couple months into the summer one of my particularly caffeinated coworkers started complaining to everyone that by the end of the day, each and every day, I would always finish the milk, leaving none for her afterwork coffee. She was appalled that I was so inconsiderate. I don’t blame her – drinking 1.3 litres each day of communal office milk is certainly an office foul. Shame on Shane.
When this was brought to my attention I felt awful. This was a really awkward situation. First, I had to tell her that I knew what she was saying behind my back, then that I understood her concerns … and then that I wasn’t drinking communal milk – I was bringing my own bag of milk in with me each morning. She’d been using my milk for her coffee throughout the day each day. At that point someone pointed out that there were communal milk and cream cartons in the door of the fridge. She wasn’t impressed: “How on earth would I know that? Who brings in milk to work like that?! You even have your own milk pitcher here … ”
Who brings milk to work like that? Desperate skinny boys who are trying to build muscle, that’s who. Milk’s a controversial drink though, and I’ve learned a lot since then about building muscle. So what’s the lowdown on milk?